Ode to Elliott Smith

Miss Misery misses you,
a fond farewell, she says,
never distort this reality,
that you have left this world sad and lonely.

In a corridor,
she found herself lost,
and close to death,
near-summer angel in the snow.

A question mark hangs on every tree branch;
Between the bars, space seemed odd;
Color bars now are always black-blue-gray,
Everything means nothing to her,
bleeding white from lost of love.

Johnny Walker Reds,
hued a different hue,
In my head, I tell myself I am wrong,
but I wasn't, and you were not wrong either,
so now there's nothing to do, but it's alright.

Miss Misery would rather see you gone,
than see you suffer.
And I do, too.

Mary Right

In the end, no rest waits,
For me who longs for peace,
There rises heavy clouds,
and light rain evaporates.

After I am dead, I just might
glance upon your shadow,
Black as night, deep as deep,
Pin-drop in turbulence.

From here to there is eternity,
A million deaths of suns and stars,
A little less than a thousand-fold,
of an ocean of tears and a teaspoon of love.

Where is the path,
that would lead me to you,
My enemy is the light,
My guide is blind.

But when that time comes when time ends,
please be patient -
for I will come,
to glance at the shadow of my memory of you,
and your disappearing footprint on the sand.

Tuloy

Halika...
pasok sa pinto ng kawalan,
tungo sa silid na walang hanggahan,
isang hakbang, isanlibong lumulutang na guni-guni,
at sa bawat hinga, milyong hikbi.

Tuloy...
sa bahay na binuhay ng kung ilang dilig,
ng patak ng luha at dugo.
Uhaw ang bahay ng kawalan,
ang pumasok ay habampanahung bisita.

Maupo ka...
sa mataas at malambot na silya,
ikaw ang panauhing pandangal,
sa piging na inihandang sapat sa sampung taong salu-salo,
at ang lahat ng ito ay para sa'yo.

Kumusta ka na?
ikaw na naligaw sa malayong kawalang ito,
ikaw na nagdalawang-isip na punan,
ang malungkot na mataas at malambot na silya sa ulunan ng hapag-kainan,
ang maalikabok at marupok na pintuan na iyong niluma,
(Oo, ikaw!),
ang nangingiming silid na walang sinumang kaluluwa pa ang nakakasilay,
dito sa kawalang hindi ko matakasan.

Salamat.

Step Two to Insanity

5:17 AM:  I cannot wake up. But in that state of not sleeping, I know I was awake.  My consciousness was in a limbo - half sleep, half awake, neither both.  My eyes were closed, but I saw light.  My mind was alert, churning thoughts here and there: How to "celebrate" my upcoming birthday?  What was that song I heard in the radio again? When is the enrolment for the first semester? And who was that woman standing by the door?  But of course, there was no one at the door.  The woman was a silhoutte of a suppressed memory that somehow managed to creep between the tiny cracks in my mind.

5:18 AM: I opened my eyes.  I remained in bed for about five minutes, eyes open, thinking about the things I have thought of while half-sleep, half-awake, neither both.

And onwards...It was the same as any other day - hazy.

Amnesia (With apologies to Neruda)

I have forgotten your face,

your eyes that mirror your heart,

your lips that tempt and tease,

those lips which, to my mind, were perfect on mine.

I have forgotten your scent,

your scent that makes my head swim in ecstacy,

that wisp of pleasure you leave wherever you go, like a footprint:

on my clothes, on my hair, on everything you grace,

that smell which inspired in me thoughts pure, and unpure.

I have forgotten your kisses,

those long kisses - deep, warm, and addictive - how you love long kisses! (which I also love),

I have forgotten our dreams,

the small dreams - what do we do when we're not together,

and really big ones - the garden, the house, the children,

I have forgotten your love,

your love that sustains me, and keeps me sane, and tells me where to go, and what to do, and how to live,

your love which, unfortunately, was like the sunset, beautiful and temporary,

but unlike the sunset will never come again, ever,

So I have forgotten you.

Step One to Insanity

In my mind: "Today, while on my way to work, I was hit with a sudden urge to shout. Yes, shout. Shout at whom? I'm not sure. Shout what? I don't know. Then why in the world do you want to shout when you have no idea whom to shout at and what to shout about? I don't know."

Thus I begin my journey towards Insanity - that state of mind where everything and everyone mean absolutely nothing. Yes, nothing.

But where did it all begin? Where Oh where? I think the question should be "when" not "where." It's "where"! Okay, okay.

It all started in high school. What is "it"? The "it" is this. The "this" is all this. Clear? Yes.

High school was rosy. Because you see, our school buildings are pink. That is why high school was rosy. We hated our school. By "we" I mean I and my classmate-friends, classmate-friends as opposed to classmate-classmates. Get the distinction? No.

I can't continue with this crap!

Maybe later...